thanks for holding my hand today...
I really fell apart. Ive had some time to recompose myself..Shew!
What really starting this old hag brewing, more than normal was.
Last night I had to mow the yard. 3 flat tires, dead battery, messed up bagger.
Jump the battery 2 times from the truck. Had to go spend $100 for weed spray
and a new sprayer. The sprayer either had missing parts, or Im just not mechaically
inclined. Uggg...As I mowed the grass, I was thinking about the hole situation.
Okay, Im married and I have all of this on my back, along with a $1200 month house
payment, running a solo business now and Im taking all of his abusive phone calls. He
hasnt even sent me flowers, just because. He tells me, he will try to send me a $100 to put towards the house payment, then the next day its $500, but in 3 months he has only sent me $500. He forgot to ask me, if I even had food to eat. I have slept with the hole town now, according to him. But yet he promised he would take care of the bills when he moved 2,000 miles away. He hates this town and said he will never move back. I have no interest in moving there. He is still drinking and has no recovery plans. He said he went to one AA class there in 3 months, but all of the guys were are over 100 years old. My daughter & son love me, but wont come around with him in my life. Our friends and our customers have lost all respect for him. He cant hold a job.. I am now responsible for 1/2 the taxes on $10 grand and the other debts he has occured.
Hes only been there 3 months and now wants to move back, because it rains too much or its too windy.
OMG..I could go on...
I was thinking, if he was out of town working or was enlisted in the military. I would be more than happy to be mowing the yard. But why?..why? am I mowing it tonight???
It finally dawned on me, ((not like everyone has told me)) but it really dawned on me.
He up and left me, so he could drink and not get bitched at or have anyone think he is an alcoholic....
So why am I still married?
I had all of that on my head today, when he called. And when he told me that he will try to send money in 2 more weeks for the house payment (which will be past due)..I lost it.. And the entire conversation went down hill.
Im done with the excuses, the irresponsible behaviors....
I have given him almost 15 years to pull it together and a SOLID 5 months
to stop drinking...I think I have put enough time into this....
How much more am I suppose to lose in my life?..>Im Done...
I know Im in for a hell of a ride with him. I call it complusive disorder.
He thinks he needs to pay people back 2 times harder if you hurt him.
Says he learned that from living with all of his brothers (from childhood)
and as an adult, he still applies that to every situation today. It can
be scarey, thats for sure..So I guess I better get a very good lawyer!
And make sure the police have an update. Locks are being changed tomorrow.
I cracked myself up tonight and thought..Dang in 2 more days, I get to hold
my granddaughter for the first time and I finally get to change a baby diaper
instead of a 50 year mans...Yipee
My daughter called tonight and asked me what was going on. I shared with her
lightly and all she said....He deserves to die alone. He will always be a drunk.
They might have alanon classes here in my town, maybe we could go together.
You have your kids behind you and you deserve much better mom. The world
is now yours...
Pretty strong statement from her, wouldnt ya say?...
So off to bed, and I pray tomorrow is a better day...
(TEARS) Thanks for being there today for me!! I appreciate all of you!!
So if you see a Green Tractor downtown...Think of me..Bobby J
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUvYR2ZYjVY