Carol- some days are better than others for me in terms of having compassion for my FOO. I like the visual of judging and victim and being out of both... I think that when I "feel" judged (whether or not it's accurate perception on my part) the reason it hurts the most is probably bc anything being said is already what I tell myself, only 10 times worse (what I tell myself that is). What Stella and Lillamy said earlier and what you said here are really wise words and I appreciate them... Lots of good stuff to think about and I have been today and will continue to do so.