It will get better. I am 4 yrs. post divorce and my life is so different. I only answer to me. I work the program I wished he would work. I am not feeling crazy anymore. He can't hurt me anymore. I have no contact which was hard at first but now is WONDERFUL. Listen. No quacking. Horrible things happened that are a distant memory now. He cleaned out my bank acct. He said horrible (not true) things that cut deep. A beer can opening every 8 minutes used to drive me nuts. I brew my own coffee and tea and there are no cans of any kind here. Focus on the life you will have. Start taking the action to get there. He is a sick person. We can't change it. Acceptance is the answer to everything. Serenity prayer. Take care of yourself. A judge will think differently about his financial obligations. Let a lawyer deal with it and try no contact.