BobbyJ... Wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. Just frickin sad that after all of that your AH STILL doesn't get it. I hate what he said to you. You did not deserve it one bit. The others are so wise and said such perfect things to you I don't have anything to add. Letting go of your dream must be a very difficult place to be. Even knowing this all relates back to his illness, all that comes with it and all alanon has taught you, it has to be a major gut wreching experience to go through.
Time to weather the storm and know that better days are ahead of you!