2 beers seems to be the standard line it seems... I know it doesn't make it less infuriating to hear your own A saying it but does it help at all to know that the lines he threw at you - right down to the get your head checked, who are you sleeping with and pointing out that others in my life drink are ALL quack quack quack.
What do you need to do to stay in your house presuming he will not be sending any $ as he claims? (if his name is on the mortgage and you aren't divorced he doesn't have that option though). If you can't afford it yourself I'd call the mortgage co asap and see if they are willing to let you be late on payments or pay partial payments for a while. I don't really know if that's realistic but I have decided that I will ask anything once-- it never hurts to ask and lately it has helped me quite a lot to do so...
I am so sorry you spent the money and worse, the emotional energy on intensive rehab for him. I am grateful to those who told me harshly that spending serious $ on AH on rehab this winter would be a waste. I wanted to believe that would be the magic cure all and if I'd spent 10 k I didn't have and he were drinking even a sip or 2 beers or whatever, I'd lose my mind too.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
When I have been at the "I can't take it anymore or I will lose my mind" point I hear in your post I turn my phone off and have nc with AH for as long as I need to get my head on straight. Can you do that?