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Old 04-28-2011, 09:55 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Shellcrusher
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
It's good to be back here today. I think things should be quiet at the office so I can get those documents scanned and backed up.

There's some repeated concepts spoken by several of you so I'm going to lump those together. I'll also respond to a few specific posts.

Yes. My biggest concern was she was passed out with a toddler in the house and alone. I dread what could have happened. She always said I was the one who didn't know how to raise my son but, well, we can all see how's she's projecting on me. She's a teacher and has about a month left. My DS will be out of daycare and I'm not okay with that. I'm trying to figure out a way to set a boundary here. I don't want him home with her all day while I'm at work. She screwed this one up last summer and I got her admission on video camera. I need to find the strength to simply tell her, no. DS will remain in daycare over the summer. The question is, do I tell her it's because I don't trust her enough to maintain safety for my son?

The light bulb visual helped me. I'm a visual thinker. So for all you light bulb people, my hand is on the switch. I'm just not there. I actually look forward to the moment when I turn it on.

The timing thing is pretty important. We have a large refund coming from the Feds. Based on how sneaky she is, i don't want her to assume control of that as it will help tremendously during the divorce process. I have access to the money but I'm patiently waiting. She'll be out of school for the summer so it would be easier for her to hopefully live with her parents while we process the divorce, which at this point, will probably happen this summer. Also, her parents are out of the state. They get back in a few weeks from their winter home. I really want them around because regardless of their enabling attitude, I believe they're half decent and I can only hope their presence will help keep the AW a little bit more under control. Not by me, but by mommy and daddy. I know it's about making things easier on her but that's actually not my intent. I know these are support mechanisms that could be in place for her which really means, things would be easier on me. Again, that is my hope.

Regarding the house and possessions. There's something I do or have been doing for a long time now. I daydream about life without my AW. I see myself taking a hit financially. It's going to happen. I will probably loose money on the house. It's a price I'll have to pay. The daydream is one of a simple life. One where I have a tidy little home. It's clean. It's organized. It's mine and my sons. Depending on parental time, it will be a good time for him and for me and it won't be heavy with huge mortgages and tons of stuff. (I'm keeping my tools!)

Yes, I am trying my best to look at this optimistically. Finding out the wine is now water is actually liberating. Sure it's self justification but every time she screws up, it makes it easier for me to move towards life without her.

Now for the specifics:
Learn2Live - Regarding the basis of detachment on a persons actions. My comment to find sobriety or I will file a divorce was not a reaction. I didn't say that last night. It was something I said a few weeks ago. She was sober, we weren't fighting. I just felt a responsibility to tell her what my plan is. I know it doesn't matter. The same can be said for the day the light goes on. I will tell her right then and there that I will be filing for divorce. I don't believe in just showing up with papers in hand. I needed to let her know what I will do. I understand your point completely. I just wanted to clarify that I didn't say this to her last night in a reactionary manner. It was pro-actively stated a few weeks to a month ago.

littlefish - Back in roughly December, I tried to lay down that no drink policy. She quacked about it. I learned a few things here. Primarily that I can't control it. So I just backed down. I really detached from that one. She also got support from her mom so I just grew quiet. For me, I don't drink around her. I don't buy booze. I don't have cocktails when I'm out, which I never am. The only person boozing in my home is my AW.

nodaybut2day - Yes, it's documented. I keep a daily journal per my lawyers guidelines. I wrote in my journal before I posted this message last night. It might not be conclusive but in the courts eyes, I show up with a long documented journal and she shows up with nothing. I also have over 30 minutes of video where she admits to a ton of stuff and she was hammered. This video actually stretches over a few days with a long time between the dates. This shows consistency in her drinking. I only wish I recorded things last night but I wanted to get the boy to bed and I really don't care to fight with her anymore. I may consider getting a voice recorder seeing as how the AW hid the battery charger for the camera and it's dead right now...

Thanks again everyone. I feel a big storm is brewing in my house.
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