To me, this is what is key here:
I told her that she needs to find sobriety or I will file divorce.
It's key to me because it tells me that you are basing VERY important decisions regarding your life and your values on someone else's behavior. In other words, you are still Reacting.
When I first got into Recovery, the first thing I worked on was Detachment. The next thing I worked on was Not Reacting. I started with the physical parts of not reacting. When I felt myself getting mad, I told myself to breathe. When something he said upset me, I told myself not to cry. When he would dump all his issues and problems on me, I told myself to keep my mouth shut. I learned to stop rescuing and trying to fix things for people, especially when they did not even ask for help. I went to therapy and Al-Anon meetings to address the emotional stuff. And once I got some practice doing these things, I began to be able to better focus on myself, my life, my values, my wants, my goals, and my desires. I began to make decisions based solely on ME. I did not have to give ultimatums any longer.
And this has given me true freedom.