StarCat

I think in my case, I do love XABF, but anymore it's the kind of caring that comes with being a decent human being. He is in a tough spot, only he can save himself, and I recognize that, and I do sincerely hope that he finds his way out someday - but I will not be there when/if he does, it's not that kind of love.

I have no intentions of ever trusting him again. Even a well-behaved crocodile is still a crocodile. He has been on good behavior way too many times, drawn me in, then bitten down with all he's got.
I don't intend to get close enough to him again so that he can earn back my trust. He had too many chances already, and I've got the bite marks to prove it.

As for respect...
I do not respect the shadow of a man he became. Not after all the abuse that has come spewing out of his mouth heading in my direction. I cannot trust people who aim barb-tipped poison arrows at me in an effort to control me and destroy me so that he doesn't have to face his own facts.
I do respect him for some of the things he has done in the past. I respect his past-him, because that person did some amazing things, and that's nothing to be sneezed at, no matter what he did later. But the person who managed all of that is not the person he is now.

I do respect anyone who can get a good recovery program together, and stay sober. Recovering alcoholics who are actively working a program are really cool people, some of the strongest, most self-disciplined people, and as they work on their own self-discovery I think they're healthier than the average person on this planet - because they're not afraid to look at themselves, admit mistakes or faults, and try to fix them as best they can. (I can say the same/similar for Al-Anon/recovering family and friends of alcoholics, just to a slightly lesser extend, since they're doing the self-work part, but not fighting a chemical addiction at the same time).
I wish this for him, I just don't intend to be around to see if he gets here or not.


Everyone is different.
Everyone's situation is different, and everyone's reaction is different.
I will not be a clone, either, because I have learned now that it's more fun to be me.

It's also less stressful, because I don't have to try and remember who I was pretending to be.

These are the answers I have now on the love/trust/respect front.
They may change in the future.
I am a constantly growing person, and so I will not set anything about me in stone, because I don't know what parts I may want to change later.
I can be whoever I want to be. How exciting!


Thank you for this post, BobbyJ, and for sharing your thoughts.
I have some great things to think about today.
Thank you.