Aw, Shellcrusher... I missed this post earlier.
I'm right THERE with you. We bought a brand new house (our dream house!) less than 2 years ago. We've worked really hard to put in all the landscaping, we have great neighbors... I've painted all the rooms, decorated it... made it home!! I really, really, really don't want to let it go. I can't afford it on my own, neither can AH. It will have be sold... and let the dream go.
It sucks.
But, my love of this house and *the dream* is NO reason to stay stuck living with active alcoholism. It's just a house, and it's just stuff. I filed for divorce - started the process. We will need to sell the house as part of the divorce, and that's okay with me. But I grieve nonetheless... I was driving down the driveway this morning... seeing the daffodils, and the tulips in blossom... all the buds/flowers on the shrubs... damn, it's beautiful. What a great place to live. Except, that's the exterior... the shell of this life.
The "inside", the stuff that matters... is rotten to the core. We don't have a marriage. We are co-habitating, and surviving day to day. And when I see that with eyes wide open... I realize that I can't stay here any longer. I need to move on... find a new place... and make that MY home. I did it once, and I can do it again.
Your son deserves better. You deserve better. Don't stay because of "stuff" and mis-placed dreams. Get your feet back into reality and make your decisions from there.