My husband said all those same things. For the past 10 years we have gone round and round... his drinking gets out of control, I get upset, he apologizes, acknowledges the drinking isn't good, he says he'll cut back... he "dries" out for a while, says - "See I can control it!", so he starts having "one or two", and then it creeps up on him... suddenly... massive binge, $hit hits the fan... and the merry-go-round starts all over again.
My AH isn't going to stop. Getting married didn't motivate him. Buying our first house didn't do it. Having two beautiful children didn't. Two months ago (after he crossed a BIG boundary and laid a hand on me), I said, "Enough. I'm done." I filed for divorce... and guess what?
Even that isn't enough for him to stop. He's adamant - "I can control my drinking. I DON'T have a problem." But he can't, and I'm not willing to give him anymore of my precious life.
Nothing you say or do is going to get your girlfriend to "see" what is going. You can't control her, or cure her. All you can do is take care of you, see how living like this has affected you, learn from it, heal from it.
You need to decide what you want your life to look like, and what you will and won't accept. And if I could make a humble suggestion... don't try and get those answers right away. They will come in time.
Going to Al-anon is a wonderful idea!
-Shannon