Originally Posted by
Babyblue 
I dunno, I see the point here but to me it is a leap from helping someone with a ride to say someone is outright enabling and in denial of that it kind of extreme. If you think that ride will open the door for you to start doing all kind of things at your expense then yes, that is a slippery slope (I'm talking about someone in recovery, not an active drinker who lost their license.. etc).
An active drinker who wants to drink over finding recovery to straighten their lives out should never be enabled.
But if someone can't drive because they did drink and paid the price and now they are in recovery, rebuilding their life and making an honest effort at it, I truly don't see that as enabling. Just as it isn't my job to enable while actively drinking, it isn't my job to teach them a lesson now that they are recovered. It is still trying to control the situation. They aren't criminals.
If someone is taking advantage of you, recovered or not, that is never a good thing and that is what this boils down to for me. But it is still ok to help people who are trying to help themselves. Help does not always mean enable just because someone has a past with alcoholism.
By the way, I like this discussion because I know there are different ways to look at it so I am not disagreeing, I just see it differently.
Totally, I agree there are many different personal ways of looking at and handling this. The above were just my own and I don't expect anyone to necessarily agree with me or follow my way. All I know is I have done the work to determine my own limitations. And for me, the problem with aiding someone (on a regular basis like this--two days a week, every week) because they are in recovery versus not aiding someone because they are actively using, is that looking at it this way still bases MY decisions about how I live MY life on how SOMEONE ELSE is thinking and acting.
So, what happens if he relapses today? Do I all of a sudden stop picking him up? And then next week he says he's no longer drinking, so what then? Go ahead and pick him up just because he said he is now sober? But what if I think I smell alcohol on his breath Monday night? Do I then go and pick him up on Tuesday? Do I accuse him of drinking and then REACT to what I believe he is doing, and then get called crazy for believing it? And then what if he goes out with his buddies Saturday and Sunday and says he's only going to drink this weekend but he'll stop on Monday?
Sorry, I have been all through this scenario and more, with more than just one person over the years. And frankly, I'm tired of making my decisions based on what is going on with someone else. I am very clear on what brings me peace and serenity, and I will do anything to maintain that. I am very familiar with what brings me chaos and makes my life unmanageable, and this happens to be one of them. Someone else's transportation is their responsibility. And if they have no transportation, there are buses and trains and taxis for that. I'm not it. It's just too much for me. I work all day and for the few hours I have available to me at night after work, I want to spend that time doing something that I enjoy, or that brings me peace. HaHaHa, listen to me, I sound like someone expects ME to pick them up two nights a week and I'm defending myself! :rotfxko I know what triggered that: My body is remembering the panicking, sick feeling I would get whenever I thought he was drinking or drugging again. Yech!
Anyway, it may not be too much for someone else who does not have the same issues or preferences as I do. Also, whereas someone else may not yet be "burnt" from helping other people too much, I have reached my limit. Good discussion, thanks for sharing, because my "Original Qualifier" is visiting town soon and I need to be reminded of my limits.
