Originally Posted by
Jeep08 
...I have been thinking about the tool of detachment with love. For many on this site I have been left with the impression that means distance from the alcoholic in their life. For me I have been trying to detach the symptoms of the illness and the pain they have caused me from the person. If she is sober I can partly do that and gives me the freedom to slowly start to trust again. Same tool just used differently. Thoughts?
Thanks best of luck to you and your significant other the progress you have made. Good story to hear.
Good to see this thread again. Cyranoak's message has many lessons.
Jeep08, I've also had a tough time figuring out the whole detachment thing.
In your comment above, it sounds like your ability to detach is dependent on her ability to be sober. Seems like that keeps you fully attached to her.
I've found that detachment isn't so much about doing something with a focus on the alcoholic but doing it with a focus on you. Here's an example: I started jogging. That's something I do alone. It's good for me and my AW isn't a part of it. By default, I've detached from my AW because I spent that time focusing on me. I don't care if she's sober or not. I'm going jogging and for me that means I'm detached. I mentioned it to you before but in my case, regaining or giving back trust isn't even on my agenda right now.
In the end, I got tired of living my life attached to the status or potential condition of my AW. I got attached to myself and that is moving me forward and that is what I believe detachment is all about.