Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX

So last time I posted, I was pondering no contact. Right now, I just can't do it. I worry. I wonder. I answer. There is no doubt in my mind but that getting out was the best thing I could have done, and at the same time, the reality of it sucks.

I am at my parents. I am filling out resumes and applications. I have been told that a full time teaching job won't be any problem come fall. I have looked at an apartment, but the reality is this. If I get an apartment without a job first, I will be living from and depleting my savings. If I tough it out here at my parents, that savings could be a small downpayment money for things I will need later.

Xabf and I have talked daily. It wears me out sometimes. Especially when he whines and complains that he is LONELY. Well hello, remember when I was there. Remember choosing booze over me too many times to count? Now you have lost your job, you may lose your house, I left, our wedding date came and went. Now you want to complain of your loneliness?

He has asked to make things right with me. He says he wants to work on our relationship. I answer simply that it isn't possible to work on our relationship until he starts to work on himself and sobriety.

In the meantime, I have tried to put thing together here. I have reconnected with friends, got to spend time with my neices and nephews. I have tried to stay very busy. He resents this. He has accused me of already dating someone else. He Also logged into the phone bill and called the numbers on my phone. We still have phones on the same account, which is on my to do list to be fixed. One was a male friend that I have had lunch with. I had told him that day that I was having lunch with a friend. He asked yesterday if I had been out with m, I answered that yes I did, that he had been a friend for a long time, and that I am free to have lunch with whoever I please.

He resents that I am staying busy and trying to have a life here, I guess it is evidence that I am moving on.

He is not. He is sitting at the house feeling sorry for himself. When he went to rehab, his parents took his car, which is financed in his dads name. He only leaves the house to go buy beer or smokes. He tells me he is trying not to drink, but loses it every 3-4 days. He called saturdayand I simply told him that I had asked for him not to call me when he was drinking. I hung up and turned the phone off.

This weekend I am making the trip down to get my last things. His mother is going with me, and I can stay with a friend if I decide not to stay at the house. When he found out his mother was coming, he was upset, saying that he was looking forward to time with me.


I do miss him. I do love him. I am very concerned. I am also very angry at where his drinking has taken us. And now that I am gone, I see that I have to move on. For my sanity, for my daughter, for my dream of a normie life, even if I am alone.

If you are still reading my rant, thanks. I am reading all of the alanon I can find. The closest meetings are almost an hour from here.