My experience in a nutshell:
My AH just left. Then he was (kind of) apologetic, but maintained that *I* made him leave. then I reconciled and he lived with us for 4 days, and he missed a child's surgery due to being drunk, and I told him he had to go.
Even after he didn't live there, he would come over to "babysit", but then call me and harass me when I wasn't home in time for him to go out with his friends even though he didn't tell me he had plans. The last time he did this, he became obnoxious and argumentative with me, and I said "you have to go." Just like that. He was surprised and kept trying to argue because that was our game, but I said "you have to go now."
And he did. And I realized that no amount of childcare, transportation, facilitating a relationship between him and the children could make up for what him being in my house did to me emotionally.
It kept me in the drama, the arguments, the blaming, the bad moods, the selfishness.
My telling him how it was going to be "don't talk to me that way" or saying "now do you see why I can't be married to you" doesn't work. It keeps YOU from being able to move past it.
You don't see it that way because you are still in it. Whether you're handling it differently, whether you are standing up for yourself, whether your children see you standing up for yourself (what they see is fighting and conflict, because of their ages. They don't understand that you aren't taking it anymore.)
There is all the time in the world for your husband to build a relationship with the girls.
Your inviting him into your life is (likely) what is frustrating to the posters on this thread.
No one should act abusive or bullying toward you. The best thing to do with your H is to get him out of your house asap. The best thing to do on the board is not engage when you feel baited.
Sorry if this is off-base. It is offered from the position of btdt.
