Calling the police on Jan 31 was the scariest thing I ever did. I have gotten push back from my family, our friends, his family, and AH himself for this. I have questioned myself in all the ways that women do after you call the police on your spouse (or that some women do I guess). But I haven't tried to get the charges dropped, I haven't been bullied into NOT testifying, I haven't kept a lawyer who was awful to me just to save my AH's a$$.
I am scared about being attacked by his atty on the witness stand and know that I will be painted as the provoker and that that is the defense atty's job. I am trying to prepare myself for that. It will be really hard. And in the past I would have done whatever it took to avoid that discomfort- even if it meant harm to me and maybe even my kids in the long run.
I want May 12 to be here NOW. I am kind of afraid that I will chicken out by the time the day comes. I know deep down I won't but being afraid has in the past had a lot of power to dictate what I do and don't do.
This time I won't let that happen. If I did, then all the fear I've faced and tried to overcome in the past 4 months would be for nothing right?