I hear your frustration. You are going through hell right now and doing your best to navigate through it. No one is walking in your shoes and while we all maybe able to see ourselves in each others stories, what is right for one person may not be the best solution for another. You feel compassion for your AH because you are a human with a kind soul. I think compassion for an A is what is needed for anyone to be able to someday let go of the pain and resentment towards them. Ultimately by letting go of the anger, pain, resentment etc it will only help to heal our minds.
I think it is great you saw that you had a relapse. Old patterns are hard to break and I know for me it is just going to take time and practice.
I think the ignore button is a great option. No one needs to be backed into a corner and feel like they need to defend themselves like you did on the other thread. Something went horribly wrong and you don't need additional stress. Thank God alanon is not like that! I didn't read through all of your prior posts but if you don't go to alanon I would highly recommend it.
If you don't want to post for a while but need to vent and have some support please feel free to send me a message.