Originally Posted by
suki44883 
WTBH, you not only defend yourself, you defend him. You are still trying to play fair and he is NOT playing fair and has no intention of playing fair. You still allow him to corral you into discussions. Stop discussing things with him. Get a lawyer and let HIM do the discussing. I still say that you are making this a lot harder than it has to be. If your main concern is your children, and I believe it is, then become the mama bear and do whatever is necessary to protect them. Bottom line...get an attorney and stop discussing things with your husband, discuss them with your attorney.
I am defending him? I didn't think so. And yes I know that Sat was ridiculous. That was my point in posting. I SEE that it was my "relapse" of getting into a conversation at all with him. I wasn't posting this to say "hey look at how great this was that I did this". It was me saying "ugh, one step back but at least I'm seeing it and extracated myself from it". I came here instead of talking to him and got it all out...
I spoke to a family lawyer today. I have no money to pay a lawyer right now - quite literally, none. So I either need to wait until I find a job to file or do it on my own. I don't think doing it on my own is a wise move so AH is moving out (funded by his parents) and we will live separately until I have a job and then I will file.
I will continue to cross paths with him bc of the girls and frankly each time he acts like an idiot it just gives me more info for my journal which I have been told will be very useful in terms of expressing lingering concerns about unsupervised visitation with the girls...
I probably should have come here ages ago so that you'd have seen how bad things were and how stuck I had myself. To you this might look like a lack of progress or not fast enough or good enough but for me this is moving fwd as best I can right now.
Before we divorce we need to figure out what to do with our house. We are meeting with a realtor later this week to talk about listing it or a short sale... There's a lot of logistics involved and some I can deal with without a lawyer. If AH and I can agree to sell the house, I will move to my mom's with the girls, he will rent whatever he rents with his parents money and that is step one... I am not going to divorce him while I am unemployed bc that opens the door way too wide for him to say that he's the one the girls should live with since I have no way to support them. There's a lot more at play here than just "file and be done".
I appreciate your concern that I am making this harder than I need to and I will think about that... but I think that you being unaware of all the things at play and not being in my shoes makes it easier to see it more simplistically than it is...
Losing my job threw a monkey wrench in my plans and so I am regrouping and trying to sort out the past course of action that keeps me being the stable custodial parent and doesn't leave me with a house I can't afford alone...