How to talk to my daughter
I posted my story here earlier. I haven't been on for awhile. Life has just taken over.
Things are not better. Everyone is pretending that they are. Her abusive boyfriend finally went to prison for 15 years, so now the lying has begun.
She likes to pretend that she is fine, that she is taking care of business, but it is very sporatic. Her ex still has their little girls, thank goodness. But the days she does have them she still drinks a few of them. Last Friday she drank all night while they were there, and then couldn't get up in the morning to fix them breakfast and take care of them. She did it last week when she had them too. I went over as soon as I could get off work at noon, and was going to just take them, but she had finally crawled out of bed. The 7 year old and I had been in contact all morning, and she was panicked that I not yell at her mommy, because she would get in trouble for calling me. So I didn't say anything, just was nice and polite and took them to the Easter egg hunt we had here in town. I didn't want to give them back to her, but I knew that she would stay sober since she had tied such a big one on the night before, and I really couldn't keep them legally.
She was all chipper yesterday, pretending that she is a good mom and everything was wonderful. She thinks she got away with her friday night binge. I can't stand it. I haven't said anything to her about Friday night, but I feel like I have to. I just don't know how to go about it. She gets very defiant and angry. I can't bring anything up and she goes crazy on me, yelling and telling me that I am crazy and trying to control her. How do I go about talking to her. I know that I want to tell her that I will tell her exhusband and that if I do that he will not allow her to keep them anymore. I want to tell her that I love her, but will not stand by and let her put her girls in harms way. I don't want to threaten, I just want to state the facts. I would like to do it with love, but that is hard at this point because I am so terribly angry and scared.
She is supposed to have them for an entire week next week. It has me crazy thinking that they will not be safe or taken care of properly. When she is sober she is a good mom. But she can't seem to stay sober even the few nights she has them. What do I do? How can I get through to her before something alful happens to her children? And now her 7 year old is trying to keep peace and not get her mommy in trouble... how sad. At least she has a phone and calls me if mommy is loopy as she calls it. I am afraid if I get mad at her mom she will not call me anymore. She seems to think she is very grown up and can take care of her 4 year old sister. She has had to grow up very fast with what she has seen.
I won't even go into the lies about the bf in prison and what she is doing now. She is standing beside him and says she will wait for him to get out and he is a wonderful guy.. That they will never drink again, so therefore he will never beat her again... She can't even go 3 days without drinking...when he gets out he will eventually beat her again...and she is hanging out with another man who is a drug dealer, not a user, just a dealer...lol, that is what she told me like it was ok... and the police are watching him... this from a college educated beautiful young woman.. she is very far gone, from what she was 2 years ago..
I think he has her on prescription drugs now also, for her pain. But that is a whole other story.
Tell me how to go about having a conversation with her... please