Originally Posted by
concernednurse 
Can you point this out to me please, Lexie? Is it because told him what the consequence would be that made it a rule not a boundary? Because ultimately, the "I will leave" or "not attend" was to protect myself... for me.
Yeah, it's the communicating part that's the problem. If you lay out the boundaries FOR him, they become rules.
Think about it. How else could he take that but as a rule for him? The alcoholic doesn't understand our need for boundaries. So anything we do in the way of protecting our territory by refusing to be affected by the drinking is going to be perceived by them as "punishment". When he "promised" not to drink, how else could he feel but controlled by you?
If you believe he is going to want to drink (and is likely to be obnoxious), don't go if you don't want to go. If he does become obnoxious while you are out, you can politely leave without a scene.
The idea is to maintain your own serenity in the face of the fact that you are in a relationship with an active alcoholic. A tough proposition, for sure. I suppose that's why so many of us ultimately leave.