Originally Posted by jds0401

When I first tried boundaries (when the RAH was actively drinking) I started by accidentally making rules as well...things like "I will not be around you when you drink"....with a plan of actually communicating that to him (which was engaging and controlling - the communication part - at least for me it was).

Then I decided that boundaries were about actions and me and I really didn't need to communicate anything to him about MY boundaries, I would just make a commitment to myself to do certain things...so my boundaries became non-spoken actions in my head that I followed