Rose56

Good Morning! I want to check in with you guys this morning and also check in with myself. How am I? I am a little tired as I haven't gotten as much sleep as usual. I went to a Bible study meeting with ladies from my church on Wed. We met all of last year and it felt good to be together with them again. Also I was invited to join another book club with other ladies from my church. I am really excited about that as I love to read. So I have a book to read by Sunday. I already participate in one book club and we met last night and I really enjoyed the discussion. I am attending two Alanon meetings a week so my life is full right now. I have added several things to my life that are all about ME.

In the last few weeks my husband goes almost daily to his local bar hangout. He usually cooks dinner every night but lately, when I come home and he hasn't gotten home yet, he's still at the bar. Then there is nothing defrosted for dinner or cooked and I have to think of something and put it together fast. On Wed night, when he didn't show up I sent my son to pick up a pizza. Yesterday I was planning to go to the gym and then my book club meeting and not going home first. But before I left work I called home to see if my husband was there to make dinner. He wasn't there so I told my kids I would come home and pick up some stuff for tacos. Then my husband called back to say he had just called home and the kids told him I was coming home. He said he was going right home(he was at the bar) and he would do the tacos. So on the way to the gym I called home with my cell phone to make sure that he had gone home and didn't stay at the bar for another few hours. He was home so I went to the gym.

Sorry for the long story, here is my question. Sometimes my husband does what he is supposed to do, what he says he will do, and sometimes he does not. This is so confusing. Sometimes he is thoughtful and funny and kind. Other times he is self absorbed and bitter and nasty. I know this type of behavior is the disease. I feel like I want to plan my own dinners every night if I don't know I can count on him. I talked to him last night about this and he said that he would always come home from now on to cook dinner. I was calm and I told him that I am sure that he intends to always come home, but I don't know if he actually will. Then he said well when I start this new job then I will be home every night. I told him I thought he would still need to go to the bar every day even after he starts working. He said no, he goes there because he has nothing else to do. I told him that I could give him a list with plenty to do right in the house. We weren't fighting, I wasn't even angry. Just tired, tired of dealing with him and his behavior. Oh and about the new job --- he met this guy in his bar that is opening a new convenience store/cafe and he wants my husband to cook and manage the store and he will pay him off the books. Well this sounds like some stupid scheme and I don't like the dishonesty. He is supposed to start Sept. 14.

I guess I feel confused about whether to continue to try to have a relationship with my husband or not. And this is not about deciding to leave him. I don't know whether to treat him like a friend or like an annoying person I have to deal with for now. I guess that's my core problem. Sometimes it seems like I could have a relationship with him and sometimes it seems like I can never trust him. I know this is black and white thinking. I guess I am black and white when it comes to relationships, either you are my friend or not. He has done things to meet me half way, sometimes. I guess I am trying to sort out how I feel about him, after the information I have learned and his current behavior. Sorry again for the long note, but I did need to sort out this question, now if I could only answer it. Thanks