wanttobehealthy

I got involved in a futile conversation with AH yesterday.

He came to the girls therapy appt and it came up that I have safety concerns about the girls being with him alone. He pretended he was okay with that and "understood" and then flipped out on me when we got home (and the girls were napping).

We went to "talk" outside (and I had my phone on record so I recorded the entire interaction) where I was told the following:

"You wouldn't have concerns if you'd just believe me and didn't go looking to find evidence. You're only upset and worried when you find evidence and if you didn't go looking for it we'd be happy" (yes, this is REALLY what he said!!!!)

He told me:

"Okay I've had a few beers here and there but I haven't been drunk since Jan so there's nothing for you to be concerned about".

I did try a few times, stupidly, to say that my concern is that as he is an alcoholic any amt of alcohol is an unsafe amt. I told him I was not making a judgement call and understood it was the addiction that was the issue and not him but that I could not be a good mom and turn a blind eye.

He informed me that his mother turned a blind eye plenty and he and his siblings had a great childhood and why didn't I care enough about our kids to give them a home with 2 parents. I told him that my recollection of what he'd told me for years was that his childhood wasn't that great and let it go at that.

I interacted with him far more than I should have but I did not get emotional, I did not flip out. He was yelling and cursing and off the wall and I walked away finally.

Today I was at my mom's for Easter and one of my brothers was here as well. He happens to teach with AH. He approached me and was hesitant but finally said he wanted to tell me that there were concerns at work about AH.

He is acting increasingly immature (during the "down" times) and told me that he's finding it increasingly difficult to deal with him bc he is SO different than the man they hired 6 yrs ago. I said I knew how he felt and that it was interesting (and validating in a sad way) to hear that what I see at home is similarly seen at work.

AH thinks he's funny and cool and some of the younger teachers are quite taken with him but the veteran teachers who he used to be friends with and had professional relationships with -- he's pretty much ditched those people.

Is it common that as alcoholism progresses, one's maturity level decreases? He's drinking much much less than he used to but mentally and emotionally he's far more immature than he has ever been and his rationalization and b.s. meter is off the charts.

He told me over and over yesterday that I think in "black and white" and I told him that while that must be frustrating to feel, the fact is that I think in black and white only about those things that ARE black and white. While he thinks that HONESTY is relative and there are exceptions (and he always has one) for when it's okay to lie, I don't see it that way. Same goes with drinking. Either you are drinking or you aren't-- but to him it's all relative. It's sad.

Oh, I also learned yesterday that the stories he'd been feeding me for a month about "insurance" not approving outpatient rehab full time were all lies. He chose to attend only part time and although he told me he wanted me to be a part of the family night component and claimed that the woman who runs the program never got back to him about whether that was okay or not- it turns out that the truth is that he told her he did not want me there and spun a story about how he got arrested that according to him resulted in the woman running the outpatient program telling him it would be best if I weren't a part of family night bc I am too toxic to him. All of this stuff stung. He's been pretending he wants me around, wants my support and constantly tells me how I am not supportive enough, but he has intentionally kept me from being a part of things where I could help him... He also told me (at least he was honest) that he doesn't want me to be a part of family night bc he doesn't want me to hear information that will make him be accountable in any way for anything I might hear. At least he was honest but it still sucked and hurt to hear.