concernednurse

Hi everyone,
As some of you read my recent posts, I am getting fearful about how I am going to act/react if and when my ABF picks up a drink. I am going to alanon, don't worry. In fact, I met a woman there on Friday who invited me to an AA speaker meeting for Saturday, which I went. We talked again, and i told her I needed to find a sponsor because I know setting boundaries and dealing with "what comes next" in my recovery is gonna be hard for me. She offered to sponsor me! yay! So, I am wondering if you all have specific examples of boundaries that you have used with your A or RA that you would share. I understand the concept.

If you - a description of the behavior we find unacceptable (again being as descriptive as possible.) I will - a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of your self in the event the other person violates the boundary.

If you continue this behavior - a description of what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set.

This is an example of a boundary that I set for myself back in the fall when my ABF and I were in Vegas, I hit a bottom of sorts with his drinking and it ended up in a tearful conversation near the strip where i cried out my boundaries! I pat myself on the back in hindsight... I didn't even realize I was setting boundaries, I guess I was just protecting myself...

But I told him: I don't like the way you act, change, behave (insert whatever behavior I dislike) when you drink. Its embarrassing, you're rude, and it makes me uncomfortable. Therefore, if we are going to do something and I anticipate you are going to act that way, I will not go. And, if we are already out somewhere or doing something and you act that way, I will leave. I followed up with, I am considering not going to sporting event (that we have tickets for) next week, because I'm afraid of how you'll act. The interesting thing then was that he said no, I won't drink at said event. And I said no you dont have to do that... and he said no, i would rather have you at the game.

Anyways, we did go to that game and we were both miserable. A little later in our relationship, actually the week he made "the comment," the week i accepted he is an alcoholic, we had tickets to the same sport! That time I didn't go. He asked me about 4 times, "you sure you don't wanna go?" I just said, "I'm not going." One of his friends even backed out and I still said "no."- which I have learned is a complete sentence

Sorry that thread took a ride on the distraction train. The question is: What are your specific examples of boundaries that YOU have used on your A or RA? Please, and thanks.