I used to be stricken with this feeling every night, weekends were no different than a thursday.
Living with an addict that you love is awful. It detracts from your ability to be present.Ultimately, it can steal your life away from you.
I am up on your posts, and I feel your pain.
I have a six year old, and I think,"I will put my body between him and alcohol...he just cant go down this road..."
I really dont know the pain of the parenting position in this, but,as far as your actual question goes, :
Hell yes, I wondered if he was drinking for a year or so, then I KNEW he was drinking, then I wondered if he was alive, with another woman, or in jail.
Please keep going to alanon.
And keep posting, here!
Try to do something that feeds the light in your own life, tonight.