The reason I quit going to meetings was my general smug attitude, frankly. I sat there listening to horrific stories of GI bleeds, fatal car crashes, DUI's, Jail, failed marriages...and thought 'I've never got THAT low. That's not me. I'm not that bad'. How wrong I was...
If I'm being totally honest (and what's the point of being on here if I can't be), the meetings used to make me feel irritated by what I perceived as a bunch of whiners sitting in a room, really. Helpless, weak people who drank without thought or caution for others or themselves. I used to come out of the meetings and feel a huge sense of relief as I drove home. Not for me offloading (as I was always quite wooden and closed about talking), but just so I was out of that heavy intense situation and being stuck in a room full of people I really didn't want to be with. I hope no one on here is offended by my comments, as that's not what I intend.
You see...I now see I AM one of those people. Helpless, weak, drinking without thought or caution for others or myself. I just didn't see it until it was almost too late.
I'm letting in sink in, and then I'll think about going back to the meetings. Maybe try a different one and see how it goes. I think I might be more the Rational Recovery kind of thinker, I'm not sure. All I know is that my life changed completely three nights ago - I've no more excuses left as to why I can continue. Not one single one. For the first time in my life, I feel CERTAIN that I don't ever want to drink again. I want to continue to feel that way.