It's been 4 weeks today that I had my last conversation with EXABF and I haven't looked back.
Like Kitty, I stuck to my boundaries this time, refused to be drawn back into the alcoholic/codie drama as I severed ALL contact.
I've had some pretty snarky/manipulative/nasty emails since and have not taken the bait even though it was so tempting to return the snark to him.
kittykitty says:My alcoholic used to love using the emotional manipulation to make me question the validity of my boundaries. That's why I ended up taking him back so many times, even after I begged him to give me space. There was always a way for him to convince me that I was over reacting, or being selfish. Or should I say, I convinced myself based on things he would say or do.
For me, each and every time I took him back, things went fine for about a week. Then the BS started all over again. From his side of the street, I was the one with the issues in the relationship;my issues were put in the spotlight; my boundaries were always set back even further and once again, while his drinking got swept under the rug by both of us.
Not this time. I let him gain control over me last fall when I returned to school, at Christmas time - each time, his subtle sad eyed, sad voiced pleas that we needed time together, that my presence and support was all he needed to quit drinking got me to push my boundaries back until about a month ago when I signed up for computerized accounting courses - ones I will need to get work in my chosen field. The cycle started again, trying to manipulate/com/control me into not taking these courses-the final straw for me was being called a quitter - that I would not finish these course. My crap detector flashed "Danger" and that was it. I was done and haven't looked back since.
I'm doing what's good for me, what works for me. If others don't like it, that's for them to deal with.