.... he hasn't had a serious, gone for days, type relapse-- he is doing the "dabbling" and if I were to bet I'd bet that he's thinkng (since this is what he tells me) "it's just a few beers-- it's not that big a deal" etc... He clearly thinks HE is the one in the driver's seat here. And even if he knows better he prefers to lie to himself and others rather than change. That's his prerogative. But I certainly don;t have to sit around and make his life and his choices my life.
I've heard the "it's just a few beers, it's not a big deal" from my RAH also. He is definitely dabbling, which he does not consider a "relapse." Seems to me, by not 100% quitting, the A will never have to worry about the label of "relapsing" because they never really quit to begin with! You have to quit to relapse. So if someone who "cut down" dabbles, then there's no way to label them. I think they do this on purpose. It starts out as a few beers... We all know better. That's like a crack addict saying they only smoked a little bit of crack yesterday so it's not a big deal. It's tempting to accept the rationalization at first, until you notice their dabbling is increasing. Then you just hear more rationalizing and justifying. Pretty soon, they are drinking everyday but still saying, "Well I'm not as bad as I used to be..." It's a cycle. The RA is convinced (and tries to convince you) that they are making progress, but it's not progress at all. I'm not an A but have lived with one for over 10 years. Yes, things are much better since my RAH stopped getting wasted every night, but he's still hanging onto the fantasy that he can still drink and be in control of it. What makes them think they can just wake up one day and decide to control their alcohol, after decades of not being able to control it? I don't get it.