Ultimately it doesn't matter, there is no right or wrong, because we don't have that much power.
When I moved in with my rabf, we both stopped drinking, me to support him, and him to please me, and so I would actually move in. I made his seeking help a condition!! I had a lot to learn, and I did here and in Al-Anon and with my therapist. He went to AA but just for show. I began to realize that while I was not drinking for him, he was sneaking and lying and drinking in secret.
So, as I learned in Al-Anon, I told him that if he wanted to drink, then go right ahead, and I would too. And he did, and I moved out.
Didn't matter what I said or did, ultimately an alcoholic who is not in recovery will do whatever they want to do anyway. When they are ready, they are ready, and nothing we say or do or any bargain we make is going to make a difference. Abstinance without recovery is not the answer to a better life either.
Stay strong, and do whatever is right for YOU. As you said, let his HP take care of him. Relieve yourself of that responsibility. You don't need to go with him to meetings, or not drink, or do anything. It is all on him. He is the alcoholic.
Take care of you, keep posting and reading, boy oh boy, do we understand what you are going through.
Hugs
