Brokenheartfool-I completely get the excitement factor that you talk about with your A. I grew up with extremely controlling and strict bible beating parents. Nothing I ever did was right and I felt like I could never have a moment to myself or make my own mistakes growing up. I was constantly monitored. That takes a toll on you as a small child. It is alot of pressure growing up in an environment like that. Then, my dad left my mom when I was still young and I replaced him as her "little husband". She talked and treated me like she would have treated him if he was still around. She was controlling, strict and put demands on me that I child should't have to face. I really wasn't allowed to be a kid because she demanded I act like an adult. I felt uncomfortable around my mother as long as I can remember. She would even pick little fights with me out of nowhere about things she didn't like that I did. Just like she would with my father. I look back now and it was crazy the way she treated me and the way she expected me to act.
So when I met my A, he seemed like he didn't live by any rules that society says you should live by and I LOVED that. I hated rules and boundries and he didn't give me any rules or make me feel smothered like my mother had for so many years. He was in fact my way of rebelling. I was addicted to the care free party lifestyle that he lived. I tried to live it too. But, I didn't last long in that world. It became hard to keep up with him. I even got tired and I HATE being around people that try to contain me. After awhile, all I wanted was someone who wanted to settle down and contain me and keep me safe. If you think you can keep up with the life of an A, I say buckle up. They never get tired and they never let up. Its seems exciting but when that "fun ride" is a one way ticket to pain with no way back. You have to find your own way back. Its a bumpy ride that only gets bumpier as you go along.