Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
I called AH as I drove to work, told him "I found things in the barn. I am not angry. But I can't live with active addiction. I can't be healthy and do what I need to do for me and the girls living together. It's not about you. It's me. I do love you but I hate your addiction and I'm unable to separate the two and that's my issue. This is not what I want to do but it is what I need to do. This hurts and I am sad but it's the only option left for me."
He emailed me a bit ago and told me that he understood I wanted to leave bc I haven't been happy living in the town/state we are in and want what a bigger city has to offer. He said that he feels he's made progress (but also said he is disgusted with himself) but that I want perfection and he can't promise me that. It was all quacking and hopefully it makes him feel better.
Wow - that is progress! I hope that you find some pride in yourself although I know this is very, very sad for you right now. I love what you wrote above. I know he is disgusted with himself - I know my RAH has felt the same way...he has shared this with me on one rare occasion of honesty. Keep that tucked somewhere in your heart...it helps when it comes time to let go of resentments and develop some compassion (I am still working on that one!)
It is your choice. I finally owned that myself and I actually think it made the RAH feel a little better, and it made me feel far more confident and powerful over my life. He didn't force me out of the house. I decided I needed it for me and my kids to have some normalcy. Life with an alcoholic does not foster normalcy.
Stay strong! Way to go!
