Originally Posted by
Babyblue 
If he ends up in a program/rehab, I'd see what they say about contact. The sponsor should clarify why he thinks this is a good idea. I am not allowed any contact with the "BF" due to recovery program rules and it does suck. It makes you feel like YOU are the problem when it isn't so. It would have been nice to have gotten some explanation why this is so but it is what it is.
Addict/alcoholics will latch onto relationships as a way to avoid facing their recovery head on. I could see where his sponsor would want to put you at a distance but he should explain to you why. Especially if you are a big part of the BF's life. That is just how I see it.
I can answer this! Your second paragraph here is exactly right.
My XABF (before he earned the "X") went to rehab for 2.5 weeks over Christmas.
The rehab had pay phones available, although they were shut off during certain times of day. (They were on for about three hours a day total, spread across four times - 2 half hours, 2 full hours).
The patients were informed they were allowed to call out no more than 10 minutes per day, but this wasn't enforced.
XABF called me
constantly, hogged up the full four hours across the day, and while the phones were off he'd con one of the ladies at the front desk into using the desk phone, saying he "forgot" something he needed and had to call his family to drop it off over the weekend. I got
no peace.
I called his psychologist, I told the ladies at the front desk please don't let him use the phone (they denied that they allowed it), I tried everything I could think of, and
still the phone kept ringing. I started leaving my phone off 100% of the time, and he would fill up my voicemail, half of it really friendly and pleading, the other half demanding and hurtful. When I did talk to him he told me things like how I should iron his shirts today, and how I'd better be working on myself as much as he was working on himself because he was
all better now, so the rest of the problems were my fault.
Finally his psychologist informed him to only call me once per day, and I gave the psychologist the timeframe that would work best for me. He ignored this, but I would only pick it up once.
When I did visit him, 1.5 weeks into rehab, he demanded that now I had to answer the phone whenever he called, and oh, by the way, would I marry him. He completely ignored anything that I tried to talk to him about, just nodding his head that he understood, then saying things that made it clear he didn't listen at all.
I cut contact
while he was in rehab. I went no contact two days after the visit, and I do not regret it. And after all that,
he had the guts to complain, saying that
I "didn't tell him not to call me," so how would
he know! This was the point where I realized that the relationship had to end, although I will confess I did not officially tell him it was over until last month when he broke no contact again, and came by my desk at work...
I guess I just wanted to hold on to the delusion that things could change, just a little bit longer.
No contact is there so they can focus on their recovery, instead of claiming they are all fixed and pushing all the responsibility onto some other poor soul. It's for their health, and your safety.
Being on the receiving end of a rehab that did NOT enforce this, please trust me on this, you WANT "no contact" during the early stages.