You deserve to be treated with respect. While you say he may not have done things like some of the other posts you read, you also say that he is not supportive or loving.
I noticed that you wrote that too Alone and I thought of a few things when I read it:
1) Alcoholism (the behaviors and thinking, not just the drinking) is progressive. Maybe he's "not that bad" now but he will be and when you live with it day in and out, even as it gets worse, you lose perspective so what's far from okay, and is in fact very abusive, can't really be seen as such by us for a long time bc we are used to it. Lying, blaming, not being a loving and supportive spouse sure sound awful to me. Lack of affection is abuse-- the covert, un-physical types of abuse that hurt our souls are all just as abusive as punching someone. But there's no tangible way to measure that abuse and so we stay longer than we should bc we tell ourselves someone has it worse and we believe what we are told by our AH's (that we're making a big deal out of nothing... etc...)
2) Like you I told myself for a long time that if my AH started acting in clearly abusive ways it would make it so much easier to make a decision and leave. It hasn't made it easier. He's gone from occasional verbal abuse, to constant. He plays mind games, he spreads rumors to make me look like the problem. He has been physically abusive. He has stolen money, he lies, he isn't safe when he is with our kids. He does a lot of things that used to be on my list of "if he ever does x, I will leave". And I haven't (at least not permanently). If you wait for it to get bad enough that you feel it's "clear" he's abusive you'll be so co-dependent and enmeshed that you will believe what he tells you (it's your fault, you're imagining things, you're too sensitive etc..).
3) I waited a long time thinking if I talked to my AH enough about how I felt, or found things to read on relationships, or fixed the things he said I needed to fix that any or all of this would be the key to the puzzle and everything would be okay. There's nothing you or I or anyone can do that is going to make a relationship with an A be okay. It's not going to be okay, ever for as long as there is active addiction (and this goes on even when the drinking stops in a lot of cases). All you can do is protect YOU and your kids. I've struggled with leaving bc I didn't want to give up on the hope and the image of what I thought marriage and family would be. But hoping and holding out for someone else to change doesn't do a thing except make me angry, crazy and hurt my self esteem, and subject my kids to insanity. I don't want to be alone, but I have been alone emotionally for a long time so it's accepting that the dream of a family I thought I'd have isn't there and being okay with being miserable about that but still moving fwd.
How YOU feel about what your H is doing is what matters. He won't ever feel that it's a problem for as long as he's drinking. If your quality of life is impacted bc of what life is like with him think about what you can do differently? Can you go stay elsewhere? Can he? Can you limit your interactions with him? Can you set boundaries for yourself about what you will and won't tolerate and follow through if need be?
You and your kids deserve a better life. Your H does too for that matter, but he's the only one who can control that and right now unfortunately, you're the only one who can control what your life is going to be like... It would be lovely if the way marriage should be was what our lives were like-- a collaboration, mutual care and respect etc... but that's not possible with an alcoholic. I've thought that if I waited long enough my AH would see my "devotion" and start to make some efforts for "us" too. All that's come of that is me sacrificing and wasting precious years of my life. Not anymore.