Would No Contact Help?
OK, so I moved out, moved 5 hours away. I am at my parents house, looking for a job and a small house/apt. Nightly I have talked to XABF. When I left last wednesday night, he proceeded to get crazy drunk wednesday-friday morning. I told him then that I needed to set two boundries:
1. don't call me if you are drinking.
2. don't call me after 10pm.
I was ok with talking otherwise. Friday night-tonight I have spoken to him nightly. Tonight I believe he was, I didn't accuse, but told him I needed to go. He asked "Why, do you think I am drinking?" Instead of engaging on that nowhere question, I told him I was busy.
On Friday his parents came down. They helped him pack up the things I left behind (I packed quickly and didn't have room for everything). They sat down with him and talked about the finances of his home, which since he lost his job will likely need to be put on the market. It is also in his mother's name. They helped him clean up the house. They left today.
Basically I still worry about him. Talking to him lets me know that he and his son are ok. BUT he also has asked me today if I think he can have another chance. I have told him that he needs to work on sobriety and work on himself and who knows what the future holds. This is not a good answer for him. He has said that he may move back up here, that he will "come find me" at a better time.
BTW, tomorrow would have been our date to fly out to vegas, and thursday would have been our wedding.
The calls are becoming really unproductive. There is no way that I could tell him that I am willing to work on our relationship at this point, so he asks me things like "Why, are you already dating someone?"
Saturday I was invited by friends (a couple and their kids) to go to another couple's home for dinner. It was nice. I made new friends, the kids played. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I was going to dinner with some friends. He asked today if that was a set up, if I met someone that night.
He keeps asking for another chance. I keep saying that maybe one day that will happen, but for now I need to make a life for myself and daughter here and he needs to work on his issues. It is a going nowhere dialog.
Should I talk to him about no contact, write a letter or email, or do I just stop answering?