Shocking as this may be (sarcasm is dripping here)... I have a lot of opinions and a feisty kind of demeanor at times (increasingly so the more I feel like I am not under AH's thumb-- I'd lost all sense of myself for a long time)...
Anyway, I know that last week I got snippy or at the very least, frustrated and vented perhaps at or about what some of you were telling me (all of which was said with love and designed to help I know).
I wanted to apologize and own that and say that I think last week was a case of me trying to lie to myself about some things and being called on it and challenged to look at reality and a few times there had the equivalent of a mini grown up fit.
Getting out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) that I've been ensconced in my whole life isn't as easy as I want it to be. I know I need to hear it straight and I actually DO like and appreciate it and NEED it and hope it will continue the next time I need a good virtual butt kicking.
I didn't like what I was being told but it was all right. I didn't like how it felt to accept a lot of what I was reading but that's bc I knew it was true. I decided to accept the yucky feelings, admit that I can see reality and stop pretending I can't and take control of ME and MY LIFE and MY GIRLS and I feel a whole lot better than I have in a while...
So, to everyone who listened to my b.s. and whining about not liking what I was being told, I
you all and I apologize for what was probably some feisty bordering on argumentative stuff.... The person I was struggling with most was myself. Trying to lie to myself has never worked. As a kid I couldn't do it well and I got the brunt of the abuse bc I didn't play the game as well as my siblings (deny reality) and in my marriage it hasn't worked either and yet I still try and do it at times. You'd think I'd have figured that out by now.
Thank you all for telling me what I needed to hear whether I wanted to or not!
Love....