Thanks, all. Amazing how you just barely scratch the surface of their facade and WHAM the anger explodes all over the place. I forget how angry this man is because on the surface, he is Mr. Nice Guy Charming. I get complacent in those moments when he is being funny and nice. I NEED to remember that there is a snake inside him and even though he keeps telling me he won't bite me, he is still a snake, after all! And quit being so surprised and hurt when I get bit.
The saddest realization is that I really don't like this guy very much. And I am not sure I ever will. He's shallow and surface only. There is no depth to him that isn't a pit of anger and victimization. I still think he's got one foot behind him, propping the alcohol door open, just in case.
But I made a promise to not do anything drastic the first year of recovery and I can see why that is a valid thing. But when I have these moments, the dissolution papers that are completed and waiting for filing seem like a beacon of a new life and new opportunities.
And Jamaica, I too am recognizing the physical signs that I am uncomfortable. I used to call it anxiety. Now I know its a sign from me to do something different.
4 days until MOVING DAY, and after that - there is no longer any reason to communicate. These will be the longest days of my life! ; )