So sorry you are feeling this way but look at the valuable lesson you have learned.
I too thought that we could be "friendly" and that no contact was an extreme that was unnecessary. But when we went for months with no contact I realized how clearly I saw myself and could see his crazy as separate from my crazy. It has been recently that we have had some contact that I can really see how sick he is and can interact without expecting him to be the husband I want. The one I used to have before the alcoholism progressed.
I have been able to set a boundary with him-he was not happy.
Speak to him without engaging in his anger-I cut the conversation saying "It does not sound like this is a good time for us to talk."
I tend to just speak about whatever financial stuff we must deal with and seldom bring my feelings into things. It is futile and it seems to make him uncomfortable.
Recently I started feeling angry again and actually had a physical reaction to seeing him-heart racing, shaky, nauseous. My body is trying to tell me what my stupid brain keeps trying to deny. CONTACT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME!
Of course this can change in the future as I progress in my recovery. I hope it does for the sake of my family. I never want to put the kids in the position of "we can only invite 1 parent over for the holidays".
Said I was demanding and manipulative and pushy until I got my own way. Always after my own way and relentless about attaining it and always having to have it.
BTW-my husband said the same thing to me. Funny- I always thought it was what we wanted. I guess I did not realize that all he wanted was to have no responsibility and sit around and drink all the time.
Hugs-be strong. I'm having kind of a rough morning. SO grateful to have SR .