Man Tuffgirl... you have just described EXACTLY my marriage and the way we have interacted for 10 years now.
The only difference - my AH is just a plain old active AH. I am stepping out of the path of the tornado now. And reading your post is good for me to see that even if AH suddenly has an epiphany... it's going to take a LONG time for each of us to develop better habits. There's no putting a marriage back together until the parts/pieces are repaired.
I think you're doing a great job... it was a small slip... and you're already back on the path with one foot in front of the other. That's good stuff.