You are doing a great job with your recovery program!
He may never choose to stop drinking.
I feel my HP keeps telling me not to give up on him and my marriage. My vows mean a great deal to me. We had a wonderful marriage for many years and I think that we can never be too broken to start again but it would take a great deal of work and 100% committment from both of us. Every thing he has done shows me he is not willing to make that committment. It would be so much easier for me if I could just make a clean break and move on but at this time I am not ready to do this.
I can change my mnd at any time.
I can completely relate to that statement. I was there in that spot for several years. I was willing to hang out, do my thing, and wait. But alcoholism is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease... and it progresses.
I reached my bottom before he hit his. I can't stay anymore. I HATE the thought of where we are. Divorce. BLucck. But for me, I will not acceptable the unacceptable anymore.
I toyed with the idea of just doing a legal separation - but why? I think that's my denial. Me wanting to hold out hope, that maybe I don't have to go through with the divorce. Maybe the process of temporarily losing me will make him "get it." And then he'll sober up, and we'll work on our recoveries... and ride off into the sunset.
And then I wake up. And realize, there's no sunset in that story. It's a lifetime of work... with a person who has shown me time and time and time again... he has no interest in changing. He said he's going to keep drinking, and I believe him now. I don't like how living with alcoholism has effected me... so, I'm putting on my air mask and saving myself.