ps how do you teach that? How do you teach someone to put their own needs first and not appear selfish?
Good question. I'm 39 and still trying to figure that out for myself. There have been a few occassions with AH has said to one of my D's that she shouldn't do X bc the other will be sad that she can't... you know, basically, don't have fun unless you both can and put others' feelings before your own (again, some situations merit this- others not) and I've quietly said to him "we shouldn't make the girls responsible for each other's happiness"...
I try to walk a line between be kind, share, care about others, have empathy and also say it's okay to have time, feelings, events, things of your own and someone else being unhappy about that doesn't mean you shouldn't do/have/feel those things...
I am taking it on a case by case scenario... I know that doesn't help at all...
Who knows? Maybe your son seeing you say "I love our friend and care about him but we need to put our family's well being first" will be the start of showing him how you can care but that doesn't mean you sacrifice yourself... Know what I mean?