Originally Posted by
brokenheartfool 
We have the 3 C's here...or we borrow them, more appropriately, from alanon--
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
...
Which is a good thing really...isn't it? Else others would be able to control you just as you would like to control, or cure, him.
So that we all have the ability, as free people, to make our choices, is a good thing.
...
If we could so easily spare those we care about THEIR rock bottom, then we would be god and we would rule the world.
I'm glad you have found YOUR rock bottom before this relationship became too destructive a part of your life. I think your anger speaks to that---that you have had enough.
Wow, you have said some really moving things this morning for me and I believe they hit home. It is true, isn't it, the last thing I would want is someone choosing my path for me because life is about choice and even if I make dumb choices, they are mine. I guess because he has filled so many roles (including willing participant to my "guidance" over the years), I have taken it to a whole other level. He is a grown man and he should be able to live his life however he wants to, even if he does end up dead or in prison.
That's the part that's so hard though, I now believe his rock bottom is death. He's been to prison, been homeless, jobless and suicidal all at once and I can't imagine anything worse. But now I'm starting to see, it's not my problem. It's incredibly sad to see someone go down this road willingly, but I'm also learning it's not something he wants. I know he's miserable and I'm not helping anymore. I'm irrationaly angry at his bad choices and how they affect me and I'm hurting him.
Why is it that we want to so desperately hold on to hope though? And why do we keep believing that the person we knew all those years ago will miraculously come back? Is that my co-dependance speaking? Do you think it's because my father was an alcoholic and I'm still trying to get him back?