Well, I think you already know the answers.
1) Go No Contact
2) Try at least 6 meetings of AlAnon
3) or get into therapy
She knows which buttons to push on you and the above will help you to 'move' those buttons and dismantle those buttons so she can no longer find them.
The above will also help you in many other ways including how to set some personal boundaries for you.
Also, please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,