Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Yup, there is a definite archetype of the wounded, misunderstood, brilliant alcoholic, that nobody else understands. I bought into that for a long time.
I think it was only when I DID become a for-real alcoholic that I realized what a lie that really IS. I didn't feel tragic or romantic or brilliant inside--I felt like a complete mess.
This, is the post I needed. Thank-you.
All the posts are good though, not to leave anybody out of my thanks!
Sometimes to go forward, we need to examine backwards, as we can't wrap our head around things, and that takes time, sometimes years. It is progress to examine the behavior of the alcoholic because we need to understand. Well, speaking for myself only, I need to understand. Pick it apart like a good shrink. I'm fighting on here for my survival just as much as anybody else, and it's very painful sometimes, and this is a need of mine--to disect what he has done to me, and to understand why he did it.
Almost a year of separation and today I receive two emails that are biting, purposely, maliciously, riddled, and passive-agressive.
I almost, but not quite, felt pity for the man, then reconsidered and decided not to. It is HIS cold world, he owns it, not me, and if he so chooses to alienate everyone who has ever loved him, so be it.
He is a very smart man. But like many that are smart, he lacks common sense.
He apparently doesn't see that it is extremely obvious that those who try to inflict pain, are in fact, in pain.
So his latest rejection of me when I didn't even ask for his acceptance is yet another example of how he can't trust, can't be vulnerable, must one-up everybody, and hence can never truly love, while he throws away everyone who has ever loved him.
Sad. My pity though...nope...not anymore.