[QUOTE=coffeedrinker;2937673]no, they can't.
your guy might be doing this, but i don't think truly, serious recovering folks do.
in answer to your question, i would just say to NOT ENGAGE, NOT ENGAGE.
you are not obligated to discuss, answer questions, justify your behavior, ask questions, deflect, or anything verbal.
i would suggest not talking to this man whenever possible. and i think it's possible way more often than you believe it is.
it's new behavior; you're not used to acting like this. it feels "mean" or "wrong", but it isn't.[/QUOTE]
YES! This! It's a learned behavior...I practice it every day - every day! And some days are better than others, believe me. I am not perfect, but I am getting better at detaching and not second-guessing myself. I don't really care anymore if my boundaries come across as mean to someone else - because if they do - that someone else is not someone I want in my life anyway.
Thanks, coffeedrinker - that was well said!