I am VERY uncomfortable with the way GoldenGirl was treated here. Very confrontational, with boundary violations and control issues wrapped in. From what I can see, she hasn’t posted since she last responded to sailorjohn. LOTS of people did address her actual question. I think it was a good topic, so I am sorry to see that she’s left the house, if that’s the case.
This is what I see: she asked someone she had a negative interaction on this board with- and who supposedly said he wouldn’t post on her threads- to not post on her threads. That’s setting a personal boundary. That’s good and needs no one’s endorsement. (What’s kind of cool, from my perspective, is that she demonstrated that she might be just the person to manage a friendship with an A ex- she’s good at boundaries! Also she showed that that we do have different skill sets and may be at different places in recovery.)
Then, here, that boundary got ignored and violated, and when it was ignored and violated, some people approved of it and she even got taken on for setting and voicing her boundary at one point. Furthermore, some of the “do’s and don’ts” in the sticky above (“Attention FFA members”) were violated, and some of the issues that Lundy Bancroft and Patricia Evans raise in their books come to mind. This really makes me uncomfortable and thought I’d note it, especially since boundary and control issues are codie 101 stuff.
GoldenGirl, I hope you’re not gone. I appreciate the topic and examination you started.