I just started to really get the chinese math equation, too, LOL
I keep posting here about it, but, really it is for me, a lot about not jumping into HIS experience of his day, his mood, his state of sobriety.
Its about not worrying, not allowing the butterflies when the phone rings.
Its about watching and listening to what he is dealing with, going through, or projecting without needing to correct him, challenge him, soothe him.
I just watch and try to keep my side of the street clean. I am not perfect at it, but it is getting better, and just like anything worthwhile it is cumulative!
So, the more I do it, the more I do it. Like yoga, or meditation. Or exercize..All good things for me!
I am also learning to not judge myself for not being perfect at it. I still question, but. hey/...Im a work in progress...
What a revelation!!
Just to not have to take on his day, his moment, his mood.
Realizing I have the choice to say, "I dont want to talk about that. "
"I dont want to argue." period.
"Im sorry that you are feeling____."Then hanging up, or walking away, and knowing my day lays ahead with MY MODD< and MY actions to deal with, and thats it.
My choices. MY realization that I really cant do anything FOR him, and that I usually dont want to, and if I do try to soothe him, help him see something, or quell some irrational fear, it usually bites me back, then I resent myself, and thats my side of the street..
Not even his fault if I CHOOSE to dance with toxicity.
The best part:
If I am successful, it shuts him right up, and seems to make his toxic thoughts that much more obvious to him. Then he can sit there, and choose to deal with that---OR NOT. NOt my problem!!!
tee hee. giggle. It does make me feel giddy.