Hey Piper - welcome. I used to have a fairly intense relationship with cocaine; started by doing the occasional line when I was a kid of about 14 in nyc, and swiftly worked my way up to a 1-2 gram a day habit. For years, I kept it hidden and somehow managed to support the need & cover my tracks, but eventually it all caught up to me. My life became pure chaos and I suddenly started waking up in hospitals and ambulances with the sort of heart disturbances common with the elderly. Took 2 turns in inpatient rehab to break me free of it, and I remember one of the oddest things about the first year without cocaine was just how unbelievably gray and bleak the world looked, as tho it was being viewed through filmy goggles. Once that lifted, and it did within a few months, it was amazing how much brighter everything became. Barring a slip or two, I've kept my distance from coke for over a decade now, tho I basically replaced it with booze (like an idiot), and that's now taken just as dramatic a toll.
It's not an easy one to shake, but it's so very worth it. Best of luck to you.