Detaching physically vs Detaching emotionally
When I first started Alanon & SR, I always wondered what the heck
everyone was talking about "Detaching" What did that mean? Why
do they always repeat themselves? It felt like Chinese math to me..
When my RAH came home from his rehab, I would throw my hand up in the air, like STOP RIGHT THERE.
He would ask me what I was doing..I said, Detaching from your craziness, talk to the hand.
He moved out of state after being home for 3 weeks after rehab. Said he couldnt stay sober here with me and in this town. In 5 months I have only been with him for those 3 weeks.
While he has been gone, I have been working the program hard. Like day
and night.
I was always asking questions, and getting the same reply from everyone: DETACH...
I thought to myself, I am detaching. I live by myself, what are these
people talking about, how much more can I be detached?
Every Friday is my RAH day off from work. Of course, I think he is back to drinking. His behaviors on the phone, are the same as when he lived at home.
Mean, mussey, bullcrap phone calls.
The phone calls that tormented me mentally. The phone calls that had me crying all weekend long. The phone calls that made me wonder why I am even living on this earth.
Someone commented to me: Detaching is just not physical, it is also
mentally/emotionally...I thought about that for a week and it never really sunk in.
The following Friday, on his day off. His phone calls began. I shuttered
inside. Actually had butterflies.
I told myself I was not going to allow this anymore. I was going to enjoy my
weekend and not spend it in bed crying. I promised myself I was going to
have a weekend, that was ALL ABOUT ME for a change. So I told him, this is your last phone of the weekend, my phone will be shut off. If you need to talk to me, send a smoke signal.
Today is (FRIDAY) guess what, the phone calls started again with my phone on vibrate..But oh, I did get one text that said, he went to a AA meeting today..
(My thoughts were, well good, you only have 9999,999 more to go to)
So for the past 2 weekends, I can proudly say...I have not cried
over a phone call.....I have enjoyed my time, understanding who
I am, without all of the drama, destruction to my mind. It is
peaceful and Im really beginning to like it...
I might be a slow learner, but I now understand the word DETACH!!
Many Thanks To Alot Of You ~ My weekends are coming alive!!!!
