I'm sorry you feel judged and this will be my last post on this thread. Having said that, I have to agree with anvil and LaTeeDa. As much as you may not think so, he is getting what he wants. He has wormed his way back into the house. It IS his house too, and if he decides he doesn't want to leave, you can't make him go. You have no legal papers giving you possession of the home or the children, so he is within his rights to stay there and say whatever he wants to say, even in front of the girls, and be in whatever part of the house he wants to be in. In order to get away, you would have to go to your mom's house, and you have already said it is very uncomfortable there for both you and the girls.
In all likelihood, nothing with your husband is going to change. He may not be drinking, but he is not in recovery. He may be attending AA meetings, but he isn't getting much out of the program. He is still the same selfish, obstinate bully that he has always been.
You have been given a huge gift of an opportunity to do the kind of work you love doing. Your children will be happy if YOU are happy. Right now, neither you nor your husband are happy and I don't imagine the girls are nearly as happy as they could and should be. It's your decision what you ultimately do, but if you decide to stay where you are, I believe that before long, things will return to the way they were a few months ago.
I wish nothing but the best for you and your children. Good luck.
I really am not unhappy... I am disappointed that my job has been cut but I am actually calmer even when dealing with AH craziness than I've ever felt before. I feel like everything is relative on a spectrum and right now I certainly am not the pinnacle of health but from where I was compared to now, I'm a lot better. Ex. I have not been the greatest mom at times bc I have been focussed on and overly emotional about AH. Right now, much to my surprise, whether he's here or not, I'm not letting it impact my time with the girls. I guess it's just a little ex that on a screen doesn't seem significant but how I feel and go about my day feels really different and it's big to me.
If I get sick of AH before he gets sick of having there be rules here I will take the girls and go to my mothers. That's been made clear. I had said things were not great for me at my mom's- you're right. 3 weeks ago I went out to dinner with my mom and had, for the first time in my life, an honest conversation with her about her treatment of me growing up bc she let her anger about how my dad treated her come out in the form of abusing me and I told here that my biggest fear was that I'd let my feelings about AH impact what kind of mom I am to my girls... I can't really relay the intensity of the convesation adequately here but it was the single most honest conversation in possibly generations in my family and I now know that I could, if need be, be at her house and be able to be honest with her. That's not something I was comfortable, willing or felt safe doing when I first went there. I don't know if my mom seeing how bad things were with AH made her willing to face the facts and be honest about the past or if age has something to do with it or if it was a HP moment but a lot of things changed in me after that talk she and I had. So, that's a long way of saying I'm fine if I go stay there again.
I know you may think I am making excuses but I am certain I am not. I am trying to find a middle ground for my kids sake and as I said earlier, being around him is actually making me have to take a closer look at dealing with me; something I haven't been doing as much of as I should.
He's in an outpatient rehab program until 7 each night (started last week and goes for 10 weeks) and goes to an AA meeting (or not) and doesn't come back here until 9 ish each night so I've not really had to interact with him at all and he's not been here when the girls are awake (except in the mornings) so it's really not a problem for me at the moment. It was more of a principle issue when I found myself manipulated into having him here but honestly, it's not bothering me and I kind of appreciate having the chance to "practice" dealing with him if and when that arises since he's here...
You don't have to stop posting-- I wasn't trying to attack you by saying I was feeling judged-- I just kind of was/am but I also know that just bc I am feeling that doesn't mean that that's what is happening. I appreciate hearing all opinions and as I've said, this has given me lots to think about.