Hi, Putmeontheair. I've been debating on whether or not to post here. I wouldn't have wanted to hear my story while I was separated from XAH and waiting for him to sober up...
I was separated (not legally separated, just living apart) from now-XAH for 2 years before filing for divorce. I left him with the intention, which I clearly told him repeatedly, that it was only until he admitted he needed help and sought that help. No more drinking. I'm not subjecting DS and I to that any more. XAH didn't really believe that I would stay gone until he cleaned up; he thought I'd cave in and come back.
In the months before I left, I stopped paying his truck payment and told his sister (the truck was in his sister's name); I took him off my car insurance and told him he needed to get his own (again told his sister); took his name off my accounts and told him he needed to get his own.
When I left, I told our landlords (his dad and sister) that DS and I were leaving. I called the utilities and tried to get my name off of those. One was done, simple no worries. The other was mis-handled (for want of a better word) by the utility and I was harrassed for over a year for XAH's non-payment; I ended up explaining again and again and again that I had not lived there for months - that I hadn't lived there since I'd opened an account with them for my own place. Each time, they said 'oh, yeah, we see where you'd called' and that they'd note the file and stop calling. Then I'd get a call again.... On and on, until some one actually followed through and took my name off the account.
XAH decided he didn't want to work on himself. He lost his truck, he drank himself into a broken shoulder from riding his bike under the influence, (thank HP he wasn't driving), crashing on friends' couches rather than having his own place, looking like a walking skeleton from lack of food... It was easier for him to find a new enabler and keep on drinking than it was to do "everything" I'd ask him to do.
So regardless of how 'friendly' he may be now, I agree with the other posters that it's a really good idea to take steps to protect yourself financially. It's really hard to guess just what an alcoholic may do when he loses his main enabler or crutch.
At the same time, just because you move out now, it doesn't mean the next step is divorce. There can be as many steps between those two as you want to put there.
Hang in there.