Sometimes it helps me to simplify - and it is extremely hard to simplify. It always seems complicated.
I like your list of rules. They are good in protecting yourself. Here is the but...You do not trust him enough to leave the children alone with him. Is staying near a man that you have to threaten with a call to the police to keep him from drinking or being verbally abusive in your best interest? Is being near a man that needs a rule like you have to be outside if I am inside and you don't interact with me unless needed something you want to commit to?
If you pass up on this job to stay near will you be able to change your mind later? Financially will that be possible?
The choice you are making is about a job, not a divorce, but in one way you are choosing between a job and 'standing by your man' so I can see where it gets complicated. Who are you standing by though? The real man or the fantasy of who you want him to be?
If he turns into that fantasy man - he'll come find you. If he does not then what are you left with?